Bad Santa
A Letter To Santa From An Internet Marketer
Yo, Santa! How’s it going in the great white north? Seeing as it tis’ the season, here is my letter about what I would like for Christmas.
Been Good
Santa, I know you do this whole good versus unhealthy thing. I promise I’ve been an excellent internet marketer this year. I haven’t spammed the various search engines with mirror websites, link farm purchases or little tricks to tweak your friends at Google. Now, while I’ve been good, I would really like a few dangerous things for Christmas. No ponies here, I need the nice stuff.
Expensive Santa, I need:
1. A lump of coal to be given to the dangerous particular person or individuals at Yahoo who’ve been deleting my pages from their search engine results.
2. A lump of coal to the same people at Yahoo who came up with the Website Match nonsense. Be at liberty to let the reindeer relieve themselves whereas on the roofs of these peoples’ homes.
3. To meet an individual from Google who handles the ranking updates in a bar late at evening after they’ve been drinking for four or 5 hours. I solely want 15 minutes. Pleeeeasssee! I’ve been so good.
4. Five minutes within the Ultimate Combating Octagon with Bill Gates.
5. A few hours together with your checklist of unhealthy individuals who will get coal for the holidays. Don’t fear, I can figure out which of them are fraudulently clicking my PPC ads.
6. Please ship the Santa virus to the people who keep sending me the phishing Pay Pal emails.
7. Same factor for the bad boys and girls sending me pharmaceutical spam.
8. The chance to beat each dmoz volunteer editor over the pinnacle with my keyboard just once. Okay, maybe twice.
Now I realize you’re a grasp of being subtle. After I visited you on the mall, you acted like I was a lunatic and you didn’t know what I was talking about. I really didn’t respect you calling security and the FBI, but I suppose everyone has a nasty day. I’m sure I can count on you to come back by means of this year.
Oh, I forgot something. Angelina Jolie. Positively Angelina Jolie. Depart her quick dork boyfriend at home.
Now that isn’t too much to ask is it? Is it?
Learn More:
Bad Santa – Drunk at work